Ah, summer. Barbeques. Bike rides. Beaches.

Sunny, happy joy!

But in keeping with my law of offsetting negatives, summer brings noise.

Let's start with neighborhood noise: early morning walkers (their voices carry!), lawn mowing maniacs (so little lawn, so much mowing!), 15-year-olds on motor scooters who ride ‘round the block like really dumb mice stuck in a maze that’s so easy to figure out (if they only tried!).

Summer and disturbing the peace go together like beans and rice.

I know what you’re thinking: Why blame summer?  Noise pollution is a 365-day scourge.

Good point.

At Planet Fitness, the blaring TV in the locker room plays the same six music videos over and over, season after season. Even though I change clothes like I’m on Beat the Clock, it’s still hell hearing some alleged musician whimper, “Are we human or are we dancer?” repeatedly.

What the heck does that mean, anyway? It’s like asking, “Are we albinos or are we anxious?”

The next video is worse. A droning unisex human/dancer keeps repeating, “B-a-b-y, I love to call you baby.”

Don’t call me baby. Call me in 50 years.

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